Beauty

“Ugly,” she says. “Jessie you are ugly now. You were beautiful when you came but now your skin is dark like ours. You are ugly.” I laugh first at the irony of the situation. I think of all my peers back in chilly Canada who pay hundreds of dollars each year to artificially acquire the tanned skin that eight months of tropical sun have given me. When I describe tanning beds to my Lao friends their mouths gape open in disbelief and disgust. Forget J-Lo and Angelina Jolie, Lao girls crave nothing more than to look like the pale skinned, rail thin, delicately featured, silky haired Thai pop stars they see on TV.

But later that night, when the conversation runs through my head again, I’ll admit, I start to cry. No, my host sister’s comments have not offended me (such matter of fact statements about appearance are an every day occurrence here), but it suddenly hits me hard that our world has taken the concept of beauty and twisted and contorted it until it has become an instrument of torture. Why is it that young Lao girls smear bleach based whitening creams on their faces and hide behind thick layers of clothing every time they step out into the sunshine? And likewise why am I tempted to suffer severe sunburn and skin damage in the hopes of maintaining a golden glow? (Tempted dad, only tempted.)

When I begin to compare and contrast the characteristics of beautiful people across cultures, it’s easy to see what a social construction the whole concept is. Somehow, beauty has evolved over time away from the appreciation of the exquisitely, intricately and uniquely Created beings that we are and into a Platonic Form (represented by the “beautiful” people we see in our society’s media) of which we will always fall short. We will never be light enough, dark enough, thin enough, fat enough, tall enough or short enough to be beautiful, so why not love our bodies just as they are right now?

I should make a confession: it’s easy for me to say these things in writing, but somehow this Form of beauty seems to be stamped into my brain in permanent ink. Even here in Laos, when I should be worrying about the very real issues of injustice rather than wasting mental energy fretting about my appearance, there are still days when I wake up feeling that my zits are too big or my hair too frizzy. I’ve come a long way in the last few years in the journey towards loving myself but I’ve still got a long way to go.

As I walk alongside young people in this country (and in Canada), on our shared path towards a more peaceful world, I realize that we will be able to do very little to build peace with the people around us until we gain the sort of confidence and inner peace that comes from accepting and loving the person we are, frizzy hair and all.

Building Peace One Brick at a Time

On the grounds of the little primary school where I teach, there is a friendly and intriguing mud brick building. Known to all as "the Mud House", this little building is the center of operations for Ponsinuane Volunteer Group (PVG). It all started in 2002 when some visionary local youth decided to get involved in their community by organizing clean up days, neighourhood festivals and much more. As time went on, more and more young people got involved. Here was a way in which they could help the community around them while also being part of a strong social network. By 2006 PVG had grown so large that the tiny space from which they functioned in the village chief's office was no longer enough. With the community's blessing, the PVG worked together to build their Earth friendly Mud House one brick at a time.

And with the Mud House as their base, the PVG has only continued to flourish. Volunteers run after school programs at the primary school each day ranging from traditional dance, to gardening, to "inventions" made out of recycled materials. The volunteers themselves continue to do community outreach as well as participating in personal development activities.

Now, two years after the completion of the first mud building, it's time for the PVG to grow again. The Mud House is no longer big enough to house an ever expanding library as well as the PVG's office and meeting space. It's time to start making a new batch of mud bricks! This new building, however, will be more than just a library, it will also be Laos' first ever center for peace education. The PVG never did like to dream small. And it's not just about the end result. Through this building project "the volunteers are learning to be confident leaders," says PVG Program Coordinator Somsack Souvannalath. "They are learning how to live and work as a group and how to adapt to new or uncomfortable situations".

So, if you happen to be in the neighbourhood on a Saturday this spring, stop by Ponsinuane Primary School and lend a hand... or a foot. Who knew that the catch phrase "peacebuilding" could ever be taken so literally?

The Brickmaking Process

After digging a large pit, we fill it with water as well as special soil taken from the Mekong River.

Mixing the mud with our feet is our team's favourite part of the job. It's 40 degrees celcius by midday but volunteers put up with the heat of their jackets in an effort to keep their skin pale. A visitor from Bangladesh (A.K.A Steve) adds interest to the long day's work.

After the mud is properly mixed we scoop it out of the pit with our hands and pour it into a mold.

Next we remove the mold and leave the bricks to sun dry for one week. Rain rain stay away!

By 4 o'clock we're exhausted but we've made close to 200 bricks. We'll need thousands more before we can start building and the goal is to finish by the time rainy season starts in June.

After we've all cleaned up a little, enjoying a traditional Lao meal together is a good way to relax and celebrate our achievement.

Hope Kits for Lao Children

I’d almost lost faith in the value of material aid. Despite having spent the better part of last summer encouraging Canadian kids to collect school supplies for MCC to send overseas as part of the peace program I led at summer camp, I had become rather cynical about the whole idea. Does collecting these items simple appease the guilt of North Americans while shortchanging those in need? Is it really worth the financial and environmental cost to ship school kits, AIDS kits, health kits and all the rest, as MCC has been doing for decades? It’s certainly much cheaper to buy such things in country.

Then, yesterday, I met two little girls who gave me a new perspective. We got to talking and when they found out I was Canadian they simply shrieked with joy. “Canada!” they squealed, “Some kids from Canada gave us pencils and notebooks so that we could go to school this year. They put them in beautiful little bags. The kids from Canada sewed those bags themselves. We know that in Canada they love Lao people.” And with that those two little school girls wiped the cynical smirk right off my face. Who can put a price tag on hope and interconnection?

I Am Canadian

I'm a Canadian with a very big soft spot for the people of Laos. Wherever I go in the world, I can't run from the fact that I'm a Canadian and Canada will always be my home. And, I should mention, that I don't want to run away from those things! I deeply love my family and friends in North America and I realize now that even the culture is something that I identify with on a deep level. But, after being here in Laos for seven months, my thoughts and prayers have, for the time being, turned towards the people that I encounter each day. Lately even my dreams have been filled with their faces and with the melodic phrases of the Lao language.

On the last day of our joint SALT/ IVEP orientation in Akron, the Interim Executive Director of MCC expressed his opinion that had George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden lived for a year truly immersed in each other’s cultures when they were young, the “War on Terrorism” might never have come to be. I couldn’t agree more. How could I ever agree to drop bombs on this country where my students dance joyfully in the rain and my host family shares sticky rice, spicy green papaya salad and gossip on hot and lazy afternoons? What’s more, having experienced first hand that the people of this tiny country on the other side of the world feel love and joy, pain and sorrow just as we do in North America, helps me to truly take to heart the obvious fact that all people everywhere experience these same sensations. Recognizing our shared humanity is where peace begins.

Mina's New Restaurant

I mentioned that my host sister Mina recently opened up a small restaurant and so I decided to take a few pictures to show all of you and also to send to Mina's husband in America. I could just as easily have titled this blog "My New Kitchen" because all the cooking now happens at the restaurant. I woke up one day to find that our kitchen table had disappeared and a few weeks later the fridge was gone too, along with most of our dishes! Though the new restaurant makes life a little more hectic in our household, I enjoy spending time there, talking to customers and watching my host sister cook. Hopefully someday soon she will have the time to teach me more about Lao cooking so I can whip up some tasty dishes for all of you when I get back. I hope you like hot chili peppers!

Pictured here is my host sister Mina and her son Isaac.

Lao P.D.R. -Please Don't Rush

Palm trees and chopsticks and waking up to the sound of crowing roosters all feel as normal to me now as trudging through snow on on my way to class once did, but every once in a while I'm given a vivid reminder that I'm not in Canada anymore. Take the drive home yesterday for example. As I waited to turn left at a busy intersection in the height of rush hour, I watched as a large pile of lumber slowly slid off the back of a very tiny truck and on to the road. The road was impassable. The light turned green, but there we were, stopped cold. As I watched the man climb out of the truck and reload his vehicle, I waited for horns to honk and tempers to flare (as surely would have happened in Canada) but nothing of the sort took place. In an act of extreme patience, dozens of drivers simply waited for 10 whole minutes until the road was clear and they could go on their way.

As I waited at that intersection yesterday, I remembered a joke that our MCC country representatives' teenaged son had made when we first arrived. "You know why the country is called Lao P.D.R. right?" Eric asked one evening over dinner, "It's the Lao motto: 'please don't rush'". Meaningless at the time, this joke is now infused with meaning on many levels. In this case, the stereotypes are true; most Lao people are calm, patient and easy going most of the time. Notorious for the high levels of anxiety I carry around with me back home, I hope and pray that I can pack a little of that Lao style patience in my suitcase for the trip home.

An Update on My Daily Life

Dear family, friends and readers,

It's hard to believe that six months have come and gone since I arrived in Laos! Sometimes I shake my head with astonishment at this realization and other times it seems that I have lived here for years and years. I realize that I have become so accostomed to my life here that I forget to share with all of you about the simple but beautiful things that fill my life here.

As the months pass, my days become fuller and fuller. At work in the MCC office, I am busy writing stories to be sent to the MCC communications department, working on the research concept paper for our conflict resolution project, as well as writing funding proposals for a new library and peace information center which will be built at the school where I teach English. In February I also got to assist in hosting an MCC group which was visiting from North America as well as doing some travelling to MCC project sites (as I mentioned in my past entry).

At Ponsinuane Primary School, in the afternoons, I am teaching English in full swing. After months of practice I'm finally beginning to feel confident and effective in my teaching. I fill my classes with games, songs and stories, in an effort to provide stimulation to children who have spent the day sitting on a hard wooden bench and staring straight ahead. In the past little while I have been teaching about colours, verbs in the present continuous tense and animals. After school, I've been enjoying playing a supportive role while the teachers lead games, storytelling, singing and traditional dance sessions. On Saturdays, young adult volunteers came to the school to help make mud bricks for the new library and peace information center that we are building. It's hard and dirty work but it's also lots of fun!

By the time I make the half hour commute home each day, it's after five and I'm generally exhausted. Luckily, a few hugs from my little brothers give me a fresh burst of energy for the evening. At 5 years old, Isaac is quite a mischievious little guy. He loves to play outside and ride his bike when he gets home from his English kindergarten. 1 year old Joshua is blurting out more words each day (in English and Lao). Recent phrases include "one, two, free, four, five kicks" and "Jedjee, love you!". I also love spending time with 15 year old foster girls Kai and Gai who are eager to learn as much English as possible. My host sister Mina has just opened a tiny new restaurant, so things around our house have gotten even busier. We now spend a lot of time and eat a lot of meals at the restaurant.

Somehow I keep finding the time to spend a few hours every week at Lao language school and I really love studying Lao! I'm far from fluent, but I'm beginning to feel confident in the language of daily life. My spelling is attrocious but learning to read and write in Lao has been really exciting and I can see the progress that I'm making each week. Studying Lao is also a good way to make friends, as children from my school, family and community love to help me with my homework.

To keep myself grounded and focused (and to have fun), it's wonderful to have a group of other young MCCers to spend time with, as well as spending time running, reading, writing and singing.

So, there is an overview of how my life is looking these days. If it sounds overly optimistic then I guess that reflects the way of been feeling lately. Yes there are times when I'm homesick or lonely, yes there are times when my English classes flop, yes there are times when the Lao language leaves me confused and bewildered or the baby won't stop crying, but for the most part, I am happy to be exactly where I am. I hope that this letter finds you all well and thanks to all of you for your continued prayers!

In Peace,

Jessica